To Live is to Grow

We have been considering our human emotional needs over the past few months and the impact that nurturing our inner selves has on the quality of our journey. This month we will take a look at an emotional need that is also one of the most fundamental physical needs we have. That is our need to grow.

As we see in the natural world, growth is so important that we refer to an expression of life and growth as vitality – which is the power inherent in all living things. How interesting that we also use the same word ‘vital’ to mean ‘absolutely crucial’ – meaning that our energy and life-giving power is so important that without it we are not really alive.  It is vital to our very life that we grow and remain healthy.

We understand why growth is so important in the physical world. Without growth the weak and the vulnerable perish. The food chain is dominated by the strong and the adaptable. A lack of growth is termed as a failure to thrive. We cannot fully live without growth. Without thriving, we remain stunted without the ability to fully experience life as it is meant to be. We grow to gain strength, dexterity, agility and skill. Without these we cannot interact with the physical world to our advantage and thus our quality of life suffers.

Does the same happen when we don’t grow emotionally? There are many ways to define what emotional maturity is, but one way is to say that as we grow we gain responsibility. Our awareness of our impact on the world and other people expands. We grow in our understanding of our effect on others, how to manage our emotions and what they mean for a healthy life. As infants and children we develop our awareness that we are not the centre of the world and that growth involves taking responsibility for our actions and our emotions. An immature child may throw their toys around when they don’t have the skill to manage the toys the way they want to. A maturing person will understand that it sometimes takes patience and learning to develop the necessary skills and that you cannot blame a broken toy for not working.

What is the impact on our life when we fail to thrive emotionally? Again, let’s look at human physical development to discover some answers. A baby must wait for someone else to pick them up in order to receive what they need. Immature emotional development either waits for others to act or blames others when they do. Everything is someone else’s fault. This mentality will keep us small as we expect the world around us to dance to our tune. It just doesn’t work that way.

So on our journey do we complain about the rain and moan about getting wet, or do we pack a raincoat and be grateful that we are properly equipped? Do we sit down on the road waiting for someone else to show us the way or do we pack a map and ask for directions when we meet fellow travellers? Do we blame the stony path for the discomfort it is causing or do I reach for my hiking boots and thick warm socks and adapt to the terrain? Do I resent that other people are walking faster than me down a path that I don’t enjoy or do I pause, turn and begin a new direction that is much more fulfilling for me?

The first step to emotional growth is to take responsibility for our own thoughts and behaviour which has the effect of empowering us to change. We cannot change others but we can change ourselves. Emotional growth is such a deep human need because without it we live a small life of blame and resentment, thinking that life happens to me (instead of through me) – never moving beyond the stage of victimhood.

Imagine the path if you are aiming for the castle on the hill. At some point in the journey you will need to accept that the terrain rises and that it will take more effort and energy on your part to continue upwards. At other times when the heavens open and you are being drenched by heavy rain it is sensible to take shelter. To set your sights on a fulfilling, meaningful life will involve climbing hills. It will take effort at times. The view from the top is the reward and has a deeper significance because of the investment taken in getting there. Or to use a topical image - a chick in an egg endures the struggle of tapping away from the inside of the shell for the promise of freedom. 

However, our need for growth is challenged by our need for comfort and certainty. We can spend our lives unaware that we are at the mercy of these two needs that pull us in different directions. Procrastination raises its ugly head when our desire for safety overrides our need for growth. We want to grow so that we can live a life of significance and offer our unique contribution. We want to remain comfortable so we that we can manage our fear. Or we can spend our lives developing the art of balancing the ebb and flow of growth, which requires energy, and comfort. The journey of life, like the climb up the hill, requires growth and rest. Rest too much and the comfort zone starts to become a prison. Growth is vital to our well-being and a life of freedom and significance.

Transformational Questions:

·        What is vital in my life?

·        What helps me grow?

·        What do I want to grow towards? What do I need for that?

·        Who am I travelling with that offers me courage and the ability to take a risk?

·        What area am I growing in?

·        What one step can I take to develop my growth?

If you would like to explore this further in a coaching context please contact Anna at digdeepdreambig@gmail.com