Step by Step

I don’t know about you but I am beginning to wonder how helpful it is to focus on an ultimate goal or overarching vision in life. Yes, I’m a coach. Yes, setting goals is an integral part of coaching and development. I’m all for lifting my head and looking further. I firmly believe that our life’s meaning is found beyond just ourselves. And don’t misunderstand me, I really adhere to the sense of purpose and motivation that comes from knowing my overall direction in life. No question. It really matters what we are aiming for.

But recently, both in my own development and in coaching others, I am more and more seeing the benefits of bringing focus to the here and now. There’s a lot of talk about setting your goals, knowing your desired outcome and having a vision of your best life to motivate you to get there. I spend time with clients looking at the benefits of their goals to ensure that what they aim for is truly what they want. But let’s be honest, it takes a lot of energy to keep the vision alive, especially when all that is in front of you is the status quo. When we are tired or discouraged, the distant horizon can seem an unattainable or impossible dream. Over there is a long way away. The goal is a long way from what I see now. Will I ever get there? Is it just the end of the rainbow?

I’m not saying goals don’t work. They are absolutely essential to deciding our direction, to setting our sails, to equipping ourselves, and to knowing our contribution. My question is how helpful can a goal be? Or put another way, what IS helpful for making progress?

Sadly, it is common to want a certain outcome and to understand why you want that outcome and yet never reach that outcome.

Inspiration and motivation come to nothing without activation. You might have worked on the most sublime goal and the reason you want it so much, but without action it all remains a dream. (And a long-held dream that isn’t realised can be a bit of nightmare really.)

What is the difference between people who regularly reach their goals and people who say, “One day, one day….”?

Bite-sized chunks

The people who reach their goals break them down into bite-sized chunks and take action by making progress through taking steps. It can be paralysing for several reasons to focus on the distant goal rather than ask the question, what can I do today to take me one step closer to the goal?

So, what is helpful? Well, how do you eat an elephant? I’ve always been grossed out by this image and wonder who is motivated to eat an elephant?? But it is a commonly used phrase to describe breaking down a big goal into manageable chunks. The answer to how do you eat an elephant is ‘one bite at a time’. When the end point of the journey is a very different place from your current context set a smaller target for the week, or the day or even the hour!

How is this connected to coaching?  With my clients, I encourage them to break it down to what is in front of them. What is in front of me? My guest room for example. The goal is to clear the clutter, and sort into piles of reuse, recycle or chuck. Progress can be made by steady small steps. When I look at the huge pile to sort out, the easiest choice in the moment is to think, it is too much to do, I don’t have time right now and so I choose to do nothing. Doing nothing consistently will result in changes, but not the intended goal of course. The changes include increased frustration every time I look at the clutter. And, more importantly, I begin to have negative feelings towards myself. When we want something, but do nothing about it, we start to question ourselves. So, what do I really want? What am I afraid of? What am I choosing? What is wrong with me? (I will explore these questions and the importance of taking action for our self-esteem next month.)



Instead, I can choose to move one item a day, or every time I pass the room and slowly but surely the floor becomes visible again and my mind becomes lighter. Pick an action that is deliberately small so it doesn’t take much time. Notice how achieving a step makes you feel. On a journey, we concentrate on the directions we need for the next turn rather than which roads we need to take in 3 hours’ time. Same with life. What do I do today that will move me closer to my destination?

Transformational Questions:

·      What is your elephant?

·      What is important to you about your elephant?

·      What is in front of me?

·      What can I do today to take me one step closer to the goal?

·      What is the smallest step I can take?

If you would like to explore this further in a coaching context please contact Anna at digdeepdreambig@gmail.com